US

Caring for you
is selfish
caring for myself
because our souls are linked
though they belong
to someone else.
I breathe for us
and to hold my breath
would only quicken
to happen again
our earthly death.
My heart is not golden
my generosity a scam
I say
Are you OK?
just to see if I AM.

Darkness

for Rizzo
A man once was eating
figs in his dark tent,
Enjoying each one
Thinking his money well spent.
Then he lit his lamp
And looked at his loot,
And saw worms all over
His wonderful fruit.
He remembered how tasty
They were before he knew
So he blew out the lamp
Until he was through.

My Lost One

My daughter is gone
in the trenches of hell
I cry out her name
Standing where she fell.
She was full of life
promise and hope,
But now is full of lies,
Desperation and dope.
She's lost her children
and she will lose her life,
Married to Heroin and Meth,
Homelessness and strife.
How does it hold her
so fast and tight?
As we pray and plead
with all our might?
For her to come home
To just be herself again!
Surely she's still there
Somewhere within??
Her golden hair
frames a ravaged face,
Her bright green eyes
Stare off into space.
I shake her, I yell
"Baby come home!"
And leave broken hearted.
I've lost one of my own.
rhoda

CA MRSA

2007
I've never tried

so hard to speak

and found myself

yet unheard.

Look out or you'll die!

You'd think all

would stop at that word,

Die. Dead. Deceased.

Kaput!

With man's fear

of mortality,

he should think

something's afoot.

Surely someone alive

besides me

Feels fear at these

words of fatality.

CA MRSA

pronounced like

See a pursa,

is a deadly disease

with several names,

and I'd say it's winning

if we're playing games.

MRSA gets inside

of you

from the person

next to you

in a drop of sweat

or any place wet

can carry it through

to you.

You don't even need a cut

or to have sex

or to share needles,

The Super Bug is uglier

than butt reaming beatles.

Awareness,

containment,

and death

to the BUG,

Is the only way to vent

and beat this thug.

I know a woman

who has been

cleanly scalped,

MRSA ate where hair

once grew ~

It was brown

the last I knew ~

Terrifying until it

started on an ear,

I think that's when

she really felt fear.

Most have it

in their skin still

Covering their torsos

at will.

With boils, bumps,

and scars,

covering every inch until

It starts on

the organs inside,

Then it's really

downhill

from dying

to has died.

No one here is quarantined,

Few are educated

about it at al,

Some still blame spiders

A microbe just seems

so very small.

Fact is, the AMA made this

And now turn their backs,

on those most

desperately needing aid

from whichever

side of the tracks,

Not nearly enough is done

Neither offense

or defense exists,

Who's targeted? Why, everyone!

I could tell you stories

from sun to sun.

I thought on lady

had it made,

because she was lucky enough

to have medicaid

for meds and to get

admitted for IV antibiotics,

and although a junkie,

they saw her great pain,

Even giving my friend narcotics.

This friend noticed the following

As a regular

daily thing.

The doctors and nurses

masked up

and changed gown,

Yet posted nothing

about MRSA's presence

in our town.

Visotors came and went

with no warning of

the risk they took

home with them,

maybe to you!

Perhaps she's even

your favorite deli's cook.

Her luck went south,

twas her without

the hair now,

and an ear to do without.

With MRSA boils

you may rush to the ER

and say, "Hey Doc!

Look here!"

He looks and backs up

then leans in to peer,

Backs up again and says,

"Spider bite!

You'll soon be out of here."

He explains how it will drain,

and writes you a script,

for a bite

That leaves you unequipped,

To fight the new

Big Bertha,

Plague, Super Bug,

Leprosy,

CA MRSA!

And maybe then you'll see

Part of what it is like

to be me,

Able to picture

how it feels

To be eaten alive

By a Flesh Eating microbe

Who'l eat antibiotics

and thrive.

I fear for those

who turn their backs,

Unless you find

Karma queer

For they could fall

fast and hard,

maybe yet this year!

Until your family

is like me,

Praying for you

with all their might

and you'll all join in

and take up my fight!

because now you have to

When those blind have sight.

Other countries have won,

Locked MRSA out tight!

While ours has not begun

or even admitted

we have a war to be won.

Learn what you can

and share what you know

What we understand we comand

So help our understanding to grow.

And pray for help,

sweating, writhing in contortions,

Aren't we reminded

of plagues

of Biblical proportions?

The Newtherlands have won

the battle with this Beast,

Let us not find

We only did

the very least

that we could have

about a tenth

of what we should have.

Please forgive us

EVERYONE!

For all the things

we should have

already done.

Suicide

04/29/06

It's a choice to decide

for myself

When enough is enough,

Suicide.

I live in pain

those I love

make it worthwhile

So I remain

for a little while

and hang tough.

While suicide rests,

not as a future sin,

Just an option within

My rights

A way to abide

the pain I live in.

I used to see Hell

as the reward

for opting out

Before I fell

struggled to my feet

and looked about.

I won't be a coward

when I take my life

I'll be moving forward

done with the fight

In a body failing

with a heart

full of love,

My actions while alive

will or won't

get me to Heaven above.

Don't pray for my soul

when you hear suicide

I just took control

of my time

and right to die

by suicide.

WHY

September 2004 One year after losing Mom

Why do I pound the floor

and scream my agony?

giving the carpet What For

and tears to sip for tea.

Who am I yelling at?

Who do I blame

for this feeling?

Do I pound the floor flat

because I can't reach

the ceiling?

Honesty's a bitch

when the truth

looks scary,

Enough to make you twitch

'cause this could get hairy.

But here it goes

the old One Two,

"God your plan blows!"

Now this poem

rings true.

Legacy

2004 for my mother

Did you really think these things

wouldn't get done

Once you weren't here to do them?

Don't you know that

I'm the one

Who will let you shine

right through them?

"Don't worry about

my lilies anymore!

Not important!" you gasped,

"Let them go"

and then you clapsed

your hand with mine,

We said good by

one last time,

And don't you know?

Your legacy is mine.

Your lilies bloom

and the Koi

circle their roots,

and, yea,

I'll tell you the truth,

We have big worries

and bitter tea,

Seen some long days

since you left me.

But lilies, your lilies,

are very important

to me,

Don't you know

that I'm your legacy?

So those arriving still see

Koi and lilies in the water,

And you, through me,

Your daughter.

Your legacy is safe

with me.

Jackie Lynn Caudill

I met Jackie when I was 11. She had EB, meaning she was born with three layers of skin instead of seven. Most die as small children but they were not Jackie. This is her eulogy I gave at her funeral.

Jackie Lynn took my heart

gently changed its form,

And handed back a gift from God

that could weather any storm.

Often late at night

she would tell me stories of her life,

Pouring out 42 years

until the morning light.

I listened in amazement

as she never said

"Why me?"

She felt that those who loved her

were the real victims of E.B.

Jackie didn't just overcome E.B.,

she made it disappear,

Overpowering it with love of life,

while death was always near.

In her eyes I saw eturnity

and it took away my breath,

Surely just such eyes had closed

the day that Jesus wept.

She leaves behind a legacy

more precious that silver and gold,

A love of life beyond belief

and a purity of soul.

We will miss her presence

but be thankful for God's will,

And that He loved us enough,

to give us Jackie Lynn Caudill.

1954-1996

Mama Come Get Your Baby

Not the same without the music...

Mama was once

a shining girl,

Seeing life

as a shining pearl

So happy to be lead

Down the aisle to be wed,

A woman at last

with a woman's pain.

When Mama first held

her baby child

Little pink bows

and an inocent smile,

Such beauty to behold

But then Mama didn't know

The sorrow to come,

Her baby grown wild.

"Mama come get your baby

she's crying all alone!"

And with sobs that shook

and broke her heart

her baby hung up the phone.

And Mama remembers

the little lady

She dreamed her baby would be,

But her dreams are lost

in a life to shady

for Mama to see.

Little girl playing

in the sand

Always reaching

for Mama's hand,

Has gone away

to learn to pray

In the devil's land,

And her baby cries;

"Mama come get your baby,

She's crying all alone!"

And with sobs that shook

and broke her heart

Her baby hung up the phone.

Now Mama can't help

It's in the hands of God.

So now she stares

through bars

that forever leave scars,

At her baby,

Lost lady,

And Mama remembers

that tiny hand,

And Mama just can't

understand.

"Mama come get your baby

she's crying all alone!"

Now she stares through bars

that forever leave scars

Oh, Baby,

She's a lost lady,

And Mama

remembers.

Shining Pearl

From Texas Department of Corrections:

Walls and doors all sealed tight,

No wind, no rain,no love, no light,

What can survive? Surely all will die!

Locked awayWhile time passes by.

But look at the clam!

sealed tight and dark,

No light enters,

No cheerful remark.

Yet hidden inside,

Away from the world,

Waiting to glisten in light

Is a shining pearl.

no title

December 1978

Take the day

stand in the light

Learn to pray

and close your eyes tight.

Rock gently

to the rhythym of your soul,

Never mind,

Let your insanities flow.

Reaching hands

crying eyes,

No one understands

we all live lies.

Space Case

1978 Last song for Jim

The black side

Comes out

in the backslide...

'Though you try

to avoid a slip

You slowly

lose your grip

And you slip

Tipping

backwards in time

out of midn

A Trip

of some kind

where you find

Your freedom.

I was a fool

should have stayed

in school

to learn the rules

the first time through

with you.

So, cool,

so slick,

So easy to trick

a world sick

for love

that you're the pick

of the flock,

HA!

Smoothe talk,

fancy walk,

words like chalk

so easy to erase

and then replace

without a trace

of the place

the promise was.

And face to face

you deny the rat race

You run in one place

behind your face

Just a space case

without a home base.

Who's In Control?

10/31/77

Sometimes people way

that they "aren't being themself"

Like what they've done and said

had a little help.

Some say there are spirits

who enter sometimes,

And take control

from within our minds.

Sometimes I will wpeak

and then look around,

Because I spoke without thought

and heard only the sound.

But I feel no presence of spirits,

I am neither prophet or preacher,

When I am not my self,

I am only my teacher.

Fools Gold

They pan for gold
led by rumor or knack,
Scooping and sifting,
dull rocks they throw back.
Gold in the Booby Rock?
Who would think that?
Hopeless romantic?
Or just crazy as a bat.
Lonely souls
Still believe in fairy tales,
We take their money
shaming justice's scales.
I see you see me
You think you see through,
Intrigued by the darkness
You dream of me and you.
I haven't been born
or I've already died
It exhausts me to wonder
why I have nothing inside.
I'll sparkle for a minute
but don't think you’ve seen my soul,
I  checked when I had hope
and found a wide, dark hole.
Shake away the sludge
and tip the water from your hat,
It's only fools gold
and badly damaged at that.

For Larry Wells 1979

Laugh

1977 for Jim

Laugh, Baby, laugh,

Yea, laugh for a while,

Laugh in my face,

Baby, just go wild.

Cuz I'll laugh with you

and at you, too,

Lover you don't know

but the joke's on you.

Laugh till you're dizzy,

Yea, laugh till you're stoned,

Until you hear the door slam,

and you're laughing all alone.

Damn You

1976 for Jim

Damn you, damn you,

Damn your eyes,

Damn all you do

from each sunrise.

Die, Baby, die,

just die from me

for every lie

and wrong you've done me.

I've had enough

of your boackened soul

Of your being rough

without control,

Over your mind,

Your body, your heart,

More I look more I find

I lost from the start.

Damn you, Damo you,

Damn your site,

You who damn all I do

and say I'm never right,

Die, Baby, Die,

Just die from me,

For every lie

and wrong you've done me.

Take your cold

and whoremaster ways,

That have quickly grown old

from to many days

and nights

spent damned by you,

With all you demand

within your touch.

Damn you, damn you,

Damn your life

In all you do

may you always know strife,

die, Baby, did,

just die from me

for every lie

and wrong you've done me.

End of first marriage to Jim...

Damn You

1976 for Jim

Damn you, damn you,

Damn your eyes,

Damn all you do

from each sunrise.

Die, Baby, die,

just die from me

for every lie

and wrong you've done me.

I've had enough

of your boackened soul

Of your being rough

without control,

Over your mind,

Your body, your heart,

More I look more I find

I lost from the start.

Damn you, Damn you,

Damn your site,

You who damn all I do

and say I'm never right,

Die, Baby, Die,

Just die from me,

For every lie

and wrong you've done me.

Take your cold

and whoremaster ways,

That have quickly grown old

from to many days

and nights

spent damned by you,

With all you demand

within your touch.

Damn you, damn you,

Damn your life

In all you do

may you always know strife,

die, Baby, did,

just die from me

for every lie

and wrong you've done me.

End of first marriage to Jim...

Prayer for Death

11/05/75

Tears well up

and spill from my eyes,

From too many lows

and too few highs.

Until I find myself

with a jolt of surprise.

Envying every

man who dies.

God, where are you?

Are you still there?

What makes my life

always seem so bare?

Please don't let me

live and cry,

If nothing else

please let me die.

Eat Me

Jim's will by Jim & Rhoda

Eat me, eat me.

yea, you're gonna eat me

Though I'm dead

life ain't gonna beat me,

Cuz when I die

I'm gonna get my rocks

being sold in hamburgers

at Jack in the Box.

And after I've rested

on my vulture feather pillow

I want a moseleum built

Shaped like an armadillo,

Too hold all of

my hamburger wrappings,

Well deserved

after all life's ass chappings.

Smoke me, smoke me,

Yea, you're gonna smoke me,

Though I can't toke you

you're gonna toke me.

Cuz when I die

I want my lungs

cut up and sold,

To be smoked by freaks

czarefully rolled,

So they can get high

off of what I've done,

So maybe they, too,

can touch the sun.

That's my last testament,

Yea, my last will

To make me one mother------

You won't wanna kill.

Maranatha

1977
As time goes by I find each day

                That the urge to cry just won't go away.  
Tired of living in a timeless daze.          

Where it's no use giving

and nothing pays,

The people gather

in a cirle and cry,

"God, send us a miracle

or let us die!"

As their roaring voices

cresdendo to a peak,

A hush falls;

a gentle voice

is heard to speak.

"My people come to me

and take my hand,

and let us flee

this terror land.

Gaze into my eyes

that you know so well,

And surrender yourself

to my powerful spell.

I will give you riches

and laughtr galore,

Do you know anyone

who can offer you more?"

A cheer rises as the people

gather at his feet,

But then a second

hush falls

Another voice

begins to speak.

"You who wish to lead

these people away,

First let them hear

what I have to say.

For I am the Mesiah,

the only true king,

And love and light

are the gifts I bring."

A murmer of confusion

spreads through the crowd

And the first voice speaks

and says,

I hope you're proud!

Look how you've

confused them!

Abusingly so!

Why not let them

be happy and go?"

And he raises his arms

for silence with power

and riches fall

around the people

in a shower.

Jewels in her hand

a woman faces the "king"

and in a taunting voice

begins to sing,

"What have you got

to show us, Dear Sir?

Are you responsible

for our life

as it were?

I've starved so much

I don't know how to eat

with no place to even

rest my tired feet .

And here I have riches!

Right in my hand!

Show me more!

If you are King

you can."

All around her people

are echoing her speach,

All the while grabbing

all the riches

they can reach.

The love lord looks up

with the power in his eyes,

Silence again falls

as he painfully cries,

For the souls to be lost

in a moment's time,

By their own foolish choice

To be left behind.

"What I have to offer

is too great to be seen,

unless your soul is pure

and your mind is clean.

I am the power

to which you should turn

All who hear my voice

should listen and learn.

Belief in me

must be based on faith,

Judge my every word

for depth and weight.

With love my friends

you'd never have wanted

Shadows and darkness

would never have taunted.

You need never have suffered

had you loved one another

You'd never have starved

If you'd shared

with one another.

Come to me

and I will show you love,

A life full of peace

in Heaven above."

Half the people rushed him

with grateful tears,

All carrying their Bibles

not opened for years.

While the other half

turned him away,

Not even caring

what he had to say.

They could see

the riches fallen all around,

To them this "love"

was just a sound.

So divided the people

followed their choice,

No obhections left;

no doubts to voice.

Tired of years

of sadness and grief,

They walked away

with a sigh of relief.

A single figure walks

down the empty street,

With no one to recognize

His scarred hands and feet.

No one to hear

the trumpets sound,

See the eagles fly

or the light rebound.

And Jesus cries out

completely frustrated,

"My precious children!

If only you'd waited."

I and many others don't think I will ever top Maranatha which means I already peaked at 17!

What a follow up the next one is!!!