Suicide

04/29/06

It's a choice to decide

for myself

When enough is enough,

Suicide.

I live in pain

those I love

make it worthwhile

So I remain

for a little while

and hang tough.

While suicide rests,

not as a future sin,

Just an option within

My rights

A way to abide

the pain I live in.

I used to see Hell

as the reward

for opting out

Before I fell

struggled to my feet

and looked about.

I won't be a coward

when I take my life

I'll be moving forward

done with the fight

In a body failing

with a heart

full of love,

My actions while alive

will or won't

get me to Heaven above.

Don't pray for my soul

when you hear suicide

I just took control

of my time

and right to die

by suicide.

WHY

September 2004 One year after losing Mom

Why do I pound the floor

and scream my agony?

giving the carpet What For

and tears to sip for tea.

Who am I yelling at?

Who do I blame

for this feeling?

Do I pound the floor flat

because I can't reach

the ceiling?

Honesty's a bitch

when the truth

looks scary,

Enough to make you twitch

'cause this could get hairy.

But here it goes

the old One Two,

"God your plan blows!"

Now this poem

rings true.

Legacy

2004 for my mother

Did you really think these things

wouldn't get done

Once you weren't here to do them?

Don't you know that

I'm the one

Who will let you shine

right through them?

"Don't worry about

my lilies anymore!

Not important!" you gasped,

"Let them go"

and then you clapsed

your hand with mine,

We said good by

one last time,

And don't you know?

Your legacy is mine.

Your lilies bloom

and the Koi

circle their roots,

and, yea,

I'll tell you the truth,

We have big worries

and bitter tea,

Seen some long days

since you left me.

But lilies, your lilies,

are very important

to me,

Don't you know

that I'm your legacy?

So those arriving still see

Koi and lilies in the water,

And you, through me,

Your daughter.

Your legacy is safe

with me.

Jackie Lynn Caudill

I met Jackie when I was 11. She had EB, meaning she was born with three layers of skin instead of seven. Most die as small children but they were not Jackie. This is her eulogy I gave at her funeral.

Jackie Lynn took my heart

gently changed its form,

And handed back a gift from God

that could weather any storm.

Often late at night

she would tell me stories of her life,

Pouring out 42 years

until the morning light.

I listened in amazement

as she never said

"Why me?"

She felt that those who loved her

were the real victims of E.B.

Jackie didn't just overcome E.B.,

she made it disappear,

Overpowering it with love of life,

while death was always near.

In her eyes I saw eturnity

and it took away my breath,

Surely just such eyes had closed

the day that Jesus wept.

She leaves behind a legacy

more precious that silver and gold,

A love of life beyond belief

and a purity of soul.

We will miss her presence

but be thankful for God's will,

And that He loved us enough,

to give us Jackie Lynn Caudill.

1954-1996

Mama Come Get Your Baby

Not the same without the music...

Mama was once

a shining girl,

Seeing life

as a shining pearl

So happy to be lead

Down the aisle to be wed,

A woman at last

with a woman's pain.

When Mama first held

her baby child

Little pink bows

and an inocent smile,

Such beauty to behold

But then Mama didn't know

The sorrow to come,

Her baby grown wild.

"Mama come get your baby

she's crying all alone!"

And with sobs that shook

and broke her heart

her baby hung up the phone.

And Mama remembers

the little lady

She dreamed her baby would be,

But her dreams are lost

in a life to shady

for Mama to see.

Little girl playing

in the sand

Always reaching

for Mama's hand,

Has gone away

to learn to pray

In the devil's land,

And her baby cries;

"Mama come get your baby,

She's crying all alone!"

And with sobs that shook

and broke her heart

Her baby hung up the phone.

Now Mama can't help

It's in the hands of God.

So now she stares

through bars

that forever leave scars,

At her baby,

Lost lady,

And Mama remembers

that tiny hand,

And Mama just can't

understand.

"Mama come get your baby

she's crying all alone!"

Now she stares through bars

that forever leave scars

Oh, Baby,

She's a lost lady,

And Mama

remembers.

Shining Pearl

From Texas Department of Corrections:

Walls and doors all sealed tight,

No wind, no rain,no love, no light,

What can survive? Surely all will die!

Locked awayWhile time passes by.

But look at the clam!

sealed tight and dark,

No light enters,

No cheerful remark.

Yet hidden inside,

Away from the world,

Waiting to glisten in light

Is a shining pearl.

no title

December 1978

Take the day

stand in the light

Learn to pray

and close your eyes tight.

Rock gently

to the rhythym of your soul,

Never mind,

Let your insanities flow.

Reaching hands

crying eyes,

No one understands

we all live lies.